


The Giraffe

by Combeferre



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Enjy buys a giraffe, Gen, and this is one of those things, but you know me, i like doing things for shits and giggles, its all pretty silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-09
Updated: 2013-03-09
Packaged: 2017-12-04 19:28:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/714208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Combeferre/pseuds/Combeferre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Enjy buys a giraffe.<br/>Written for Les Ami's de la Barricade Roleplay Group.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Giraffe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Les Amis de la BRP](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Les+Amis+de+la+BRP).



It all started with a giraffe.

The students were all having morning coffee outside the Musain. Due to the hot weather, the owners of the tavern had put tables outside on the pavement, and the group had elected to breakfast outside, and watch the world go by. They got more than they bargained for. 

Grantaire noticed it first. "Hey! Where's Enjolras?" The others nodded in dissent - "Yeah, where is he?" "He's normally in by now." "Ordering us around." 

"I wonder where he could be?" Jehan thought aloud. "He never spends time anywhere except here."

They were answered within a few minutes. Their friend came along the street, tottering unsteadily; he was carrying a full-sized giraffe in his arms. The others watched as he tried to manouvere it lengthways along the narrow street, smashing a few windows as he went and refusing to carry it over his shoulder like a workman. After around five minutes of careful walking, he finally made it to the Musain, turned the giraffe right side up and set it on the pavement. Courfeyrac was the first to break the silence. 

"Enjolras...what...?" 

"Ah!" said the man, flushed after the effort of carrying the thing. "This! Get me some coffee. This is Cuthbert Worthington, the giraffe of the ABC." He paused, as if waiting for applause, but his friends just looked at him, heads cocked to one side. "He will inspire fear into the hearts of our enemy!" 

Combeferre stepped forward and placed his hand on his friends' shoulder. "Enjolras...its a giraffe. We cannot keep it here." He tried to lift it. "Hummmph. What's in this thing? It must weigh a ton! Wherever did you get it?" 

"Some man at the docks sold it to me for a centime."

"What were you doing at the docks?"

"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies," Enjolras said wryly. "Now, help me take it upstairs. I know it will fit."

Surprisingly, it did - and for the next few days, the giraffe of the ABC stood in the corner of the Musain, occasionally offered a glass of wine by some drunken fool. Enjolras covered its eyes at every meeting - "Could be a spy, after all." - but neglected to attend to what was inside the giraffe. 

Javert was having a hard time of it. Due to his size, he could not sit down inside the giraffe, and instead had to stand; and he had forotten to bring any water, so was incredibly thirsty those few days. The only consolation was, in fact, that he could hear everything the students were saying, and soon knew all of their plans - he jotted every word on a piece of paper so not to forget. 

He reached the third day of his long confinement in the giraffe, and knew he could not stand it much longer. For one thing, he desperately needed the lavatory and, for another, he knew that that drunken one knew that he was there. 

On that third afternoon, Grantaire came stumbling into the full meeting, and ran headlong into the giraffe. To cries of "No!" and "You idiot, Grantaire!" the giraffe was knocked over the banister and down onto the stairs, where its neck became wedged across the gap. Javert was horrified - how would he get out now? The blond one was already standing beneath him. "How the hell will we get it down? Cuthbert! We will save you!" He could feel the thin plywood the figurine was made of beginning to crack, and tried to make himself as light as possible - but it was in vain, and the body of the giraffe broke, spilling the heavy policeman out to land right on top of Enjolras below. His impact made them both fall to the bottom of the stairs, where they became entangled. 

Both Javert and Enjolras sat up at the same time, cracking their foreheads together. "Owww!" they cried simultaneously, before realising what was going on. They sprang apart - Enjolras reached for a weapon, any weapon, and found a baguette on the table behind him - he picked it up, shouting "En guarde!" before realising Javert had a ciabatta at his throat. The inspector backed him into the corner, scraping the rough bread across his neck as he did so and tucking the paper into his waistcoat. 

Without waiting for so much as a by-your-leave, he took a bite of Enjolras' baguette, and fled, ciabatta still in hand. Enjolras sprang after him, but the man was already slipping into the shadows outside on the street. 

Enjolras looked up at the concerned faces on the stairs. Combeferre seemed to be about to speak when the rest of the giraffe fell, knocking them all over until they came tumbling down at Enjolras' feet. They still seemed to look for reassurance. Enjolras cleared his throat and spoke - 

"I knew a centime was too cheap. Damned giraffe." 


End file.
